Dearly Beloved,
These last weeks have been heavy on my shoulders. My brother had come home early last week with chest pains. His lovely wife rushed him to the hospital immediately. There he stayed overnight. She left him in my care, however, as she had to attend to a family gathering awhile away for a week.
Oh, it was terrible. And I feel worse by saying so because it sounds quite selfish for me to complain so much when he needs me. But the worry! I could hardly leave him alone for a minute as he had somehow developed excess amounts of anxiety over his trip to the hospital. He worried immensely that he would simply drop dead though the doctor's have told him many times that he was perfectly healthy! This caused him to rush himself to the hospital five times more! Once in the midst of working. The last time, he was released the same hour, which should have told him that he was fine enough, but his worries had hardly stopped. We argued one night as I had come home a bit later than was planned as I was held back though I could not help it, he spat out some nasty and words much uncalled for. Later he apologized, and he has been a bit better about himself since then. As of now, his wife has come back, and I'm flooded with relief. And guilt.
It is not because I don't love my brother, because I surely do! I accompanied him everywhere for a week, slept in the same room and watched over at night. I worried immensely when I wasn't by his side. It's simply that I am a bit scared for him, that he might end up like my crazy mother and grandmother. You remember how they are, darling? They're simply mad. And I just don't know what I'd do if that'd happen. As of now, my brother is the only family I could possibly rely on for much.
Anyway, enough of my troubles. I miss you, darling. Though I am gratefully back in my bed, my lonesomeness resonated more deeply reminding myself that I am without you. I missed the warmth of your body near mine, your generous arms that always embraced me when I needed them most, and your laugh, which is my favorite. I miss seeing the way your eyes light up, and the lines around them crinkle as you do. And your smile is simply irresistible. It's not as fun to throw in my lame puns without you to laugh at how silly they are.
I miss coming home to your calming presence at the end of a long day. Being able to talk out the stresses of each other's days over the superbly delicious food you make when I come home too late to prepare anything. And I seem to have more time in the mornings now that I don't have the pleasure of making you your favorite cup of coffee and pancakes.
I miss being able to reach across the table to hold your hands when you sigh over those silly customers that give you so much trouble over petty things. And I miss when you gently cup my face with your hands and comfort me when I feel I'm reaching my limits.
Oh, your lovely hands, touching me at all the right places. I miss them at night, when you reach over to play with that little spot right where my jaw ends, right below my ear. Moving slowly down my neck, my collarbone, my chest, circling around my breasts, down my navel, and you stop right below my belly button, teasing me with kisses on my thighs, smiling mischievously up at me as you do. And though my skin breaks into goosebumps, and my breathing gets heavier, and I'm overwhelmed with want of you, you continue running your fingers all over, driving me completely mad. I miss the laugh you do when I surprise you by straddling you, and lowering my face to your neck, and breathing your scent in. I love smelling you, even before you shower, somehow it excites me even more. I miss kissing you deeply, and then trailing kisses down your chin, to your neck, biting you as I do, and licking up towards your ears. I like feeling you harden as I whisper all the dirty things I want you to do to me. Sometimes you smile at me and laugh, your cheeks tinged a slight red with excitement and embarrassment -- completely adorable and which excites me even more. And other times, you pull me into you without another word, fulfilling all the ways I begged you to pleasure me. And I miss that very moment, when I look into your eyes just as you climax. And it makes me absolutely happy and content to think that I can indulge you in simple, carnal pleasures, and a warm side to collapse onto until the morning. It makes me happy that I can wake up to you, and be able to make you breakfast, and kiss you good-bye for work, and be a home where you find comfort and love and pleasure in.
I miss you, darling. More than this letter can ever convey. I miss you that it aches when I remember that I have to face the world alone.
I miss you when I remember that there shouldn't be anything to miss. Because I have not met you yet.
