But I knew... I already knew the end of our conversation. This is why I avoided talking to him for a very long time.
Somewhere in my heart I know that what I am doing is not the best thing for me. That I'm doing this for a selfish reason. And my excuse is because it is what makes me happy. And it helps deal with the loneliness and frustration and sadness that I have to deal with everyday.
Everyday, being around the people that are supposed to love you and support you, and all they ever do is judge you and use you... Since I was really little, it's always been this way.
I don't have the capacity to keep loving and loving despite being ignored and used. I have a limit too. I am human too.
Right now, this is what I need. And I understand that I have to be honest about it. I thought that I'd lose respect if I told people, but I've realized that it's the complete opposite. I'm tired of being a hypocrite.
God, why is it so hard to be nice?
