I have a bit of work to do but it's a little tedious and there's too much time to think in between. I'm thinking and feeling too much. And this is amplified by my morning consumption. I want to walk and run and shout and flail my arms around. I'm scared and I'm happy and I'm frustrated all at the same time. I feel like I need an embrace, and yet I dread another person’s touch.
It's ridiculous.
I'm ridiculous. People are ridiculous. Society is ridiculous. Facades are ridiculous. And the fact that we have to keep up appearances to please society is fucking ridiculous. We speak so much about breaking the trend and being original, yet we are hypocrites. We are hypocrites of a deeper level. Because we know that we cannot break away from society's expectations despite all our talks and our wants. But we deny this and continue to pride ourselves on being "different", and "original", and "morally right".
"I'd never do that. I could never do that."
Such a common phrase I've been hearing lately. It disgusts me. I want to scoff and laugh. Unfortunately, you are human too. It's a condition we're born with. And this innate affliction is unpredictable.
Don't tell me that phrase unless you've been placed in it, struggled with it, and then lived through it and won. Because though you've traveled many places, and you've met many people, you've lived a comfortable life.
I sound bitter. I am bitter. And though I said I was a pessimist last night, I'm really the realist. And you, my dear friend, are more of an optimist.
Or maybe I'm wrong and you're right. Who really knows.
All I know is what I've experienced. What I see. What I think from what I've learned. And what I feel and have felt.
And I've felt struggle. I feel struggle. Constantly. Inside and outside.
It's almost too difficult. I'm not sure what's keeping me here.
I've pushed so many people away. Most people strive so hard to be different, while here I am, slaving away to try and be "normal".
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